Mariah: My road to becoming a single mother by choice

Becoming a single mother by choice wasn't what I had in mind when I first set out to become a parent. But as life would have it, my path to motherhood took some unexpected turns, and today, I'm here to share my story of embracing single motherhood.

The journey begins

When I was 35, my partner and I decided it was time to start trying for a baby. Like many couples, we encountered some roadblocks along the way. After a few months with no success, we sought help from a fertility specialist and discovered that my egg reserve was low. Suddenly that straight path to parenthood was not as straight anymore. We were determined to keep moving forward, however, and decided to pursue fertility treatment.

Navigating fertility treatment and heartbreak

My partner and I started our first IVF treatment. My road to motherhood took an unexpected turn again however, when my partner expressed hesitations about continuing treatment and our relationship, leaving me in the middle of treatment. His decision left me shattered, and of course the hormones from treatment did not help. I eventually found my way through the crisis and started to look ahead, and today I know that he is not the kind of person I would have wanted to co-parent with.

Choosing motherhood

Amid all the uncertainty, I began to reassess my priorities and what I really wanted out of life. Through therapy and reflection, I came to realize that my desire to become a mother was stronger than ever, even if it meant doing it alone. The decision of pursuing single motherhood was a long process, but in hindsight, the best decision I made in my life.

Becoming a single mother

The road to single motherhood was not without its challenges. From IUIs, a miscarriage followed by IVF. But in the end it did work out.

Today I have a son that I love immensely, I have many close friends and a job that I love (and I am also fortunate enough to have a very flexible employer which is a plus as a single parent).

I have not taken up dating yet but am confident that I can do that when my son is older. My life is filled with purpose and love, and I am very happy with the the way my life turned out in the end.

For anyone considering becoming a single parent, what is your best advice?

Lean on the support of loved ones and professionals, but ultimately trust your intuition and make decisions that align with your deepest desires. I talked to friends, family, and my therapist, but in the end the decision was mine.
Connect with communities: Seek out organizations and communities of single mothers who can offer guidance, support, and camaraderie on your journey. This helped me feel less lonely in my decision, find close friends, and form realistic expectations.
Prepare for challenges: Anticipate the challenges of single parenthood (and getting there), from logistical considerations to emotional hurdles, and cultivate a strong support network to navigate them with grace.
Having a realistic view that it can take time, and that unfortunately (as always when trying to have a baby) there are no guarantees, is important.
It’s also good to have thought through how you will handle everyday challenges. How you will manage work and having a child? Having a flexible employer is a plus (as for all parents). What does your “community” look like? Do you have people who can care for your child in case you get sick for example? It can be people you already know or a baby sitter agency, but I believe that having thought through what challenges life might throw at you, and how you can handle them is helpful.
Deciding on how will you become a single mother in practice. There are different roads to becoming a single mother by choice. Many of us use donor sperm, it could be from someone you know, but often it’s via a fertility clinic. In some cases, egg donation might be needed, and of course, there is also the option of adoption. Rules and regulations look different in different countries so reaching out to organisations for single mothers by choice is also a great way to be able to get guidance and decide upon your best way forward.
Do not overthink it. Despite all that I have said above I think the most important in the end is to listen to your heart. This was the right path for me, I love spending time with my son, I love being a mother, and I am very fortunate to have been able to take up this path in life.

In Conclusion

Becoming a single mother by choice wasn't what I had planned, but it's been an incredible journey filled with love, joy, and unexpected blessings. If you're considering taking the leap yourself, know that you're not alone, and that there's a whole community of women out there cheering you on.

Warmest wishes,

Mariah