Many of us know someone who's struggling with infertility, and it can be difficult to know exactly how to best support them, what to say and what to avoid. Tilly's co-founder Anna talked to Reader's Digest sharing her tips on how to be there for a friend. 

How can I help a friend with infertility?

Reader's Digest: How can I help a friend with infertility?

Jenny Ann Johnson is the founder of Tilly. She’s spent a decade working on digital educational products prior to founding Tilly. After struggling with infertility and miscarriages for many years she finally found her path forward and is today blessed with four children. She is now creating the supportive and educational tools she herself was missing while going through fertility treatments.

Maya Maria Brown, M.A., is an infertility mental health expert. She has a master’s in Counseling Psychology, and has worked with individuals and couples on infertility and relationships. She also has personal experience with infertility.

November, also known as Movember, is dedicated to raising awareness about men’s health, encompassing both physical and mental well-being. This month, we’re taking the opportunity to explore men’s health in the context of infertility, examining how it impacts men and whether a diagnosis of male factor infertility influences their emotional experience.

How men cope with infertility: challenges, insights, and support

Infertility significantly impacts the mental well-being of people of all genders, often placing strain on relationships as well. In this article, we explore how men* cope with infertility, the unique challenges that arise from a diagnosis of male factor infertility, and how partners can provide support during this difficult time.

If you’re a man reading this, we hope it provides valuable insights to help you navigate this challenging time. And if you’re a partner wondering how to best support a man going through infertility, we’ve got you covered. Many in our community have shared how their male partners struggle emotionally and mentally during infertility, and we understand how difficult it can be to know how to support both your partner and your relationship effectively.

This article explores what research reveals about how men are dealing—or (surprise!) not dealing—with the emotional and mental health impacts of infertility, or, as it turns out, simply coping in different ways. It also offers practical insights and advice drawn from research, our community, and expert clinics.

Spoiler alert: If you’re a partner reading this, you are likely your husband’s or partner’s primary source of support. While this can feel overwhelming, it also means you have the opportunity to be a gateway for your partner to explore new ways of coping with emotional challenges.

Early studies on psychosocial health and infertility suggested that women were more affected than their male partners. However, recent research indicates that men are emotionally impacted at a similar level to women. That said, much of the research on the emotional and mental (“psychosocial”) aspects of infertility has traditionally focused more on women than men. This is a bit ironic given that male factor infertility is present in up to half of all couples diagnosed with infertility. As a result, there is still much to learn about how infertility impacts men’s mental health.

What we do know is that men and women (in general) tend to cope with infertility differently, often influenced by cultural gender norms around managing emotional distress and grief. Male factor infertility, in particular, seems to carry a heavier stigma than other infertility diagnoses. It’s often tied to perceptions of masculinity and male libido, which can take a toll on men’s self-esteem. Unsurprisingly, male factor infertility can also affect a couple’s sex life and emotional connection.

Does your partner seem to bury himself in work or avoid “talking about it”? You’re not alone. Studies show that many men cope with infertility by increasing their workload or focusing on other activities. They also frequently suppress their own emotions in an effort to support their partner.

It seems that in part, the stereotypical way for men to handle challenges ultimately makes it harder for men to actually process what they’re going through. Suppressing your feelings and not talking about infertility openly are traditional characteristics of masculinity - and it seems that men who do not share their infertility journey and do not seek counseling are at higher risk of anxiety and depression. Interestingly, in cultures more open about infertility and fertility treatments, men tend to be less emotionally affected and are less likely to feel their masculinity is threatened.

It may not come as a surprise, but being open and seeking help can significantly improve men’s mental well-being. Yet, research shows that men often choose to confide only in their partners about their fertility struggles, avoiding broader discussions with friends or family. Unfortunately, men who keep their struggles entirely private are more vulnerable to depression. Men often cite their partner as their most significant source of support, with their clinic coming in second. (For women, family, friends, counseling, and support groups often play a bigger role.) 

Infertility is challenging for men, often compounded by cultural stigmas and traditional coping mechanisms that prioritize silence over expression. However, two key sources of support often stand out: the partner and the clinic.

In the sections below, we’ll share advice from trusted fertility clinics and tips from our community to help men and their partners navigate this journey together. If you’re a partner feeling uncertain about how to help, know that you’re not alone—and that your support can make a significant difference in your loved one’s ability to cope and heal.

The experiences shared by our community align closely with research findings, shedding light on the emotional and relational challenges faced by couples dealing with infertility.

One member recounted, “My husband feels that he cannot tell any of his friends about our problem, especially seeing that we have male factor infertility. They have this jargon of ‘real men make children.’”

Another shared, “My partner is clearly suffering as well, but as he is not the best communicator to start with, this has grown into a real issue, and we don’t seem to be able to reach each other and talk.”

A third member expressed, “Since we know that having sex will not make any babies (verified azoospermia), it seems like our love life has died, and neither of us knows how to find our way back to intimacy and sex again.”

These stories highlight how infertility, particularly male factor infertility, can strain both individuals and relationships.

Supporting men through infertility: insights from two fertility clinics

Research highlights the critical role care providers play in reducing distress for men in infertile couples. In fact, studies show that clinics are often the second-largest source of support for men facing infertility. With this in mind, we reached out to two of our partner clinics — Wellnest Fertility in the U.S. and CMedical in Sweden — to understand what they observe in their male patients and their best practices for offering support. Both clinics actively integrate emotional care into their medical practices, and their perspectives provide valuable insights.

Dr. Ida Wikander, an senior consultant and infertility specialist at CMedical, emphasizes that every patient’s needs are unique, making personalized care essential. “It’s important to be attentive to the type of support a person or couple needs,” she says. Sarah Nelson, WHNP-BC, a Nurse Practitioner at Wellnest Fertility, echoes this sentiment, highlighting the importance of supporting both individuals and couples as they navigate their journey together.

Both professionals note the emotional toll fertility struggles take on men and women alike. While coping styles often differ — men may lean towards a problem-solving approach while women may prioritize emotional expression — the underlying challenges are significant for everyone involved.

A key challenge both clinics observe is the lingering misconception that infertility primarily affects women, even though male and female factors are equally common. “A diagnosis of male infertility is often unexpected and can be difficult to process,” explains Nelson.

Dr. Wikander points out that the treatment process can feel disproportionately focused on women, as they undergo most of the medical interventions, including hormone treatments and physical procedures. This can leave male partners feeling sidelined. Nelson agrees, adding, “Those providing sperm often don’t have as many appointments or procedures, which can make it harder for them to feel involved.”

To address this, both clinics make a conscious effort to involve male partners in all stages of the process. Dr. Wikander shares that encouraging men to review their lifestyle—regardless of sperm count — can foster a sense of contribution. “Improving lifestyle factors is always beneficial, and it helps men feel like they’re actively participating in the process,” she says.

Infertility, especially when linked to a male factor, often brings feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy. Dr. Wikander notes that these emotions can be intensified by the physical burden borne by the female partner during treatment. Nelson adds that these struggles can also impact the couple’s relationship. “It’s important to address these emotions sensitively as both partners navigate infertility and potential pregnancy loss,” she says.

Both clinics acknowledge that societal expectations may compound these challenges. “Men often feel pressured to ‘stay strong,’ which can make it harder for them to express their feelings,” explains Nelson. Dr. Wikander observes that men tend to seek information and solutions rather than discussing their emotions.

To address the emotional and mental strain of infertility, both clinics have integrated mental health support into their care. CMedical conducts educational workshops for staff, equipping them with tools to provide emotional support. “We focus on training all patient-facing staff on mental wellbeing to ensure holistic care,” says Wikander.

Wellnest Fertility offers direct psychological support to patients, including counseling and group resources specifically for men. “We’ve partnered with mental health therapists and tools like Tilly to ensure comprehensive support,” shares Nelson.

So it seems clear that infertility is a deeply challenging experience for men and women but that we to some extent might cope in different ways. By bringing in the support from resources around us, our partner, our clinic, friends and family, as well as mental health professionals we can make it a little bit less straining and lonely. 


A special thanks to Sarah Nelson of Wellnest Fertility and Dr. Ida Wikander, of CMedical for sharing your valuable insights and best practices. And as always, thanks to our community for your contribution.

*Disclaimer: Please note. We know that gender and relationship dynamics can differ based on the identities of the people involved in the infertility diagnosis. If the research is limited on how heterosexual males going through infertility handle this, there is unfortunately even less research done when it comes to same-sex and/or LGBTQI couples or other constellations. This article focuses on people who identify as men who are going through infertility and sometimes refers to his partner being a woman, but the research and lessons in this article could be relevant to other genders and relationship makeups as well. 

Explore the emotional and mental health challenges men face during infertility. Learn how male factor infertility affects men differently and discover expert-backed strategies for coping and support.

How infertility impacts men's mental health and ways to cope

Baby Loss Awareness Week is a time to acknowledge a deeply painful experience that affects countless individuals and families around the world. It serves as a crucial reminder of the emotional weight carried by those who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or infant. While this week brings much-needed attention to the topic, the reality of baby loss is often under-discussed, leaving many to grieve in silence.

The statistics are staggering. According to research, about 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss. This includes ‘miscarriage’, which is defined as the loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks, ‘stillbirth’, and the loss of an infant shortly after birth. These numbers reveal just how common baby loss is, yet it remains a topic many feel uncomfortable addressing.

For the families experiencing it, the trauma can be overwhelming. Losing a baby not only disrupts a life event anticipated with joy, but it can also have a lasting impact on mental and emotional well-being. Despite the prevalence of baby loss, those who experience it often feel isolated in their grief, with few places to turn to for support.

One of the most difficult aspects of baby loss is how the trauma is frequently overlooked or minimized by others. Often, well-meaning friends and family may not know how to offer comfort, or they may downplay the loss with comments like, "It just wasn’t meant to be" or "You can always try again." While these statements are typically said with the intention of offering hope, they can have the opposite effect, leaving parents feeling dismissed or misunderstood.

The grief from baby loss is unique and profound. It often includes a mix of emotions like ‘sadness’, ‘guilt’, ‘anger’, and even ‘fear’ about trying to conceive again. Because baby loss isn’t always visible to the outside world, it can be challenging for others to recognize the depth of the trauma and the ongoing grief parents endure. This emotional weight can lead to depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), particularly when there is little emotional support or acknowledgment from loved ones or the broader community.

Coming together to support those experiencing baby loss is crucial for helping parents navigate their grief. It starts with acknowledgment —recognizing that a loss has occurred and that the pain is real. This simple act can go a long way in helping parents feel less isolated. Listening to their stories without offering unsolicited advice or minimizing the loss is also key. Grieving parents often just need a compassionate ear.

Beyond immediate family and friends, there are support groups and resources available that can offer specialized care. Many parents find solace in connecting with others who have gone through a similar experience, whether in person or through online communities like Tilly. Knowing that they aren’t alone can be an incredibly healing step.


During Baby Loss Awareness Week—and beyond—there are a few ways we can all come together to support those who have experienced baby loss:

1. Acknowledge the Loss: Don’t shy away from the topic. Offer your condolences, no matter how long it has been since the loss occurred.

2. Offer Emotional Support: Sometimes, just being there and listening is the best thing you can do. Avoid trying to "fix" the situation or offering advice unless asked.

3. Provide Space: Allow grieving parents the space to feel and express their emotions. Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and it’s important that parents aren’t rushed through the process.

4. Encourage Professional Help: Grieving parents may benefit from counseling or support groups that specialize in baby loss. Encourage them to seek professional help if they feel overwhelmed.

Baby Loss Awareness Week is also a time to honor and remember the babies who have been lost. Many families choose to light candles, plant trees, or create other memorials to keep the memory of their babies alive. October 15th, the end of Baby Loss Awareness Week, is recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, where people around the world light candles in memory of the babies who are no longer with us.

For those who may not have experienced baby loss, it is important to understand the profound impact it can have and to offer support wherever possible. The trauma of baby loss may not always be visible, but it is deeply felt by those going through it. By coming together as a community to provide emotional support, understanding, and compassion, we can help parents on their path to healing.  

At Tilly, many of us have unfortunately experienced baby loss firsthand. We understand what you are going through—and we’ve created Tilly to offer emotional support to those grieving, as well as practical guidance for those supporting someone through this loss. No one should navigate this journey alone, and we are here to help every step of the way.  

Let’s use Baby Loss Awareness Week as a starting point to spark more conversations, offer more support, and remember that behind every statistic is a family grieving a loss that matters. Together, we can create a world where no parent feels alone in their grief.  

Baby Loss Awareness Week highlights the silent grief many face after pregnancy or infant loss. Learn about the emotional impact, the need for better support, and how we can come together to help grieving parents. At Tilly, we’re here to support both those experiencing loss and their loved ones.

Baby Loss Awareness Week: coming together to support those affected

This month, we’re putting a spotlight on PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) for PCOS Awareness Month, recognizing the millions of women affected by this condition. In our community and across the world, PCOS impacts an estimated 8–13% of reproductive-aged women, according to the WHO. Despite its prevalence, up to 70% of women remain undiagnosed, often discovering their condition only when they face fertility challenges.

Understanding PCOS and its impact on fertility

PCOS disrupts ovulation, leading to irregular or absent menstrual cycles, which is one of the key symptoms. Without regular ovulation, conceiving naturally becomes difficult. However, knowledge about how to identify PCOS is unfortunately still not wide spread, with many women first learning about their PCOS when trying to get pregnant.

The overlooked mental health toll of PCOS

While the physical effects of PCOS are more often discussed, the mental health challenges linked to the condition are frequently overlooked. Did you know that women with PCOS are up to eight times more likely to experience depression than women without it?

The connection between PCOS and mental health is complex, influenced by both the physical symptoms and the hormonal imbalances caused by the condition.

- Weight gain, particularly around the abdomen

Each of these symptoms can lead to negative body image, social stigma, and emotional stress. For example, obesity—common in women with PCOS—can contribute to depression, and the infertility associated with PCOS adds an additional emotional burden. 

However, these symptoms alone don’t fully explain the heightened risk of depression in PCOS patients. Research suggests that the hormonal imbalances and metabolic effects of PCOS may directly impact mental well-being.

If you’re living with PCOS and struggling with your mental health, know that you’re not alone. While PCOS can be tough to manage, there are ways to reduce the impact of both the physical and mental symptoms.

Studies have shown that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is highly effective for women with PCOS, helping to reduce body dissatisfaction, anxiety, and depression . This is promising news for women facing the emotional challenges of PCOS.

Emotional Support for PCOS: A Missing Piece

Unfortunately, only 3.4% of women are satisfied with the emotional support they receive following a PCOS diagnosis, and for over 60%, emotional support was never offered or even discussed. This highlights a significant gap in care that needs urgent attention.

At Tilly, we are committed to raising awareness and ensuring that women with PCOS receive the emotional support they deserve. Thankfully, awareness is growing, and with ongoing research and initiatives, the future looks brighter for PCOS patients.

Together, we can create meaningful change. Let’s continue to advocate for better care, both physically and mentally, for everyone affected by PCOS.

Psst. And yes, naturally CBT is one of the corner stones of the support we have created in Tilly. If you are struggling, don't hesitate to pop in to the app to find advice on how to manage the emotional struggles and to connect with others in our supportive community.

Learn about the mental health challenges linked to PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), how symptoms like infertility and hormonal imbalances affect emotional well-being, and discover effective treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to manage depression and anxiety. Find support and awareness for PCOS during PCOS Awareness Month.

PCOS and mental health: a crucial connection

September 16-22 is World Childless Week, a time to shine a light on those who are Childless Not by Choice and offer them understanding and support. There are various reasons why someone may be childless not by choice, with fertility struggles being a major factor that affects millions of people worldwide. In fact, the World Health Organization estimates that 48 million couples are impacted by infertility. The emotional toll of this struggle is well-documented in research, showing it can lead to anxiety, depression, and other health issues, even though this is not yet widely recognized in society.

For those dealing with infertility, a supportive social network can be invaluable. But, relationships with close friends and family can sometimes be difficult to navigate, especially when emotions run high. If you're wondering how to support a friend going through involuntary childlessness, this guide is for you.

And if you're someone who is currently facing infertility, we understand how tough it can be to express your needs. Feel free to share this guide with your loved ones, or adapt it to suit you better. 

How you can support a friend facing infertility:

1. Create child-free spaces for quality time

While your friend may love children, being around them can serve as a painful reminder of what they long for. When planning to spend time together, consider choosing child-free environments. Go for activities that don’t revolve around kids, like a quiet café, a movie, or a relaxing walk. This will help your friend focus on enjoying the moment without constant reminders of their struggle.

2. Invite them to family events, but understand if they can’t come

It might seem contradictory to the previous point, but it’s important to invite your friend to important family events—whether it's a birthday party or a graduation. Even though it can be emotionally difficult, extending the invitation shows them that you still value their presence. If they decline because it’s too overwhelming, don’t take it personally. Simply knowing they were invited, and that it’s okay to skip, can be a comforting gesture.

When someone we love is hurting, it’s natural to want to solve the problem. But infertility is not something you can fix. The best way to support your friend is by being a good listener. Offer open-ended questions like, “What do you need?” or “How can I be there for you?” Avoid saying things like, “It will work out next time,” as this can feel dismissive. Instead, let them share their feelings, and be present.

Announcing pregnancies or other big life events can be tricky when your friend is dealing with infertility. A thoughtful approach is to send a text rather than sharing the news face-to-face or over the phone. This gives them the space to process their emotions privately. They’ll likely be happy for you, but also need time to cope with the reminder of their own journey.

5. Stay in touch, even when they pull away

If your friend stops returning calls or declines invitations, don’t assume they don’t want to hear from you. Infertility often leads to feelings of isolation, depression, and anxiety. Keep reaching out with no-pressure messages like, “You don’t have to respond right away, but I’m here whenever you’re ready.” Your continued support, even during times of withdrawal, can make a significant difference in their healing process.

These tips are based on science, shared experiences from the Tilly community, and personal journeys through infertility. We hope they offer guidance and help create deeper understanding. If you have any other suggestions or experiences, feel free to share them with us.

And remember, if you say or do something that unintentionally hurts your loved one, simply acknowledge it with, “I’m sorry.” It’s far better to show up and offer support, even if you make mistakes, than to hold back out of fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.

To all those touched by childlessness and to those supporting them—you matter. Stay strong. You are not alone 💜.

Learn how to support a friend struggling with infertility. Discover helpful tips on listening, offering comfort, and maintaining meaningful connections during their journey through involuntary childlessness.

How to support a friend struggling with involuntary childlessness: A guide for loved ones

Infertility can take a significant toll on someone's mental well-being, and this connection has been well documented across numerous studies. If you’re feeling the emotional weight of fertility struggles, know that you’re not alone. The uncertainty of when, or even if, you’ll become a parent can feel devastating. It's no surprise that such struggles can lead to feelings of grief, anxiety, and even depression.

But is there a way to feel better mentally, to build resilience as you navigate this challenging journey? While fertility struggles will never be easy, research shows that there are steps you can take to improve your mental health and coping skills.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): a proven solution

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be highly effective in helping women manage the emotional side of infertility. A 2023 study revealed that CBT outperformed medication (like antidepressants) in reducing depression and anxiety for women facing infertility. CBT teaches you how to challenge negative thoughts, manage irrational fears, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Women who participated in CBT reported a notable improvement in their mental well-being, helping them to better handle the emotional rollercoaster that often comes with fertility treatments.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be highly effective in helping women manage the emotional side of infertility. A 2023 study revealed that CBT outperformed medication (like antidepressants) in reducing depression and anxiety for women facing infertility. CBT teaches you how to challenge negative thoughts, manage irrational fears, and develop healthier coping mechanisms​.

In 2024, additional research further confirmed the effectiveness of CBT, showing its power in reducing stress, anxiety, and depression specifically linked to infertility. CBT was found to help restructure negative thoughts and provide healthier ways to cope with emotional distress​. Women who participated in CBT reported significant improvements in mental well-being, making it a valuable intervention during fertility treatments.

Mindfulness-Based Interventions: finding peace in the present

Mindfulness-based interventions (MBI) have also been proven to make a difference. A 2023 meta-analysis found that mindfulness programs significantly reduced stress, anxiety, and depression in women undergoing fertility treatment​.

Research published in 2024 echoed these findings, showing that mindfulness practices continue to play a critical role in emotional regulation. These interventions help women become more aware of the present moment, allowing them to manage overwhelming feelings and build resilience throughout their fertility journey​.

The latter study also highlighted CBT, and stress management techniques, as effective ways to improve infertile women's mental health - leading the authors to recommend these three scientific based to be used to support fertility patients.  

Supporting your journey with evidence-based frameworks

These studies highlight that working on your mental health can make a real difference in how you cope with fertility challenges. At Tilly we incorporate evidence-based frameworks, like CBT, mindfulness and stress management techniques, to support you throughout your fertility journey. Our aim is to provide tools that can help build resilience, reduce stress, and improve overall well-being.

Interested in learning more? Explore the science behind our approach and how you can build your mental toolbox to better navigate this path here. 

Taking care of your mental health is just as important as any fertility treatment you pursue—because you deserve to feel supported on this journey.

Learn how fertility struggles can impact mental health and discover science-backed strategies, like CBT and mindfulness, to improve well-being during infertility

How fertility struggles impact mental health and what science says you can do

This article is written together with Bumpy, an app that helps you find, compare and contact fertility clinics across Europe and get support.

Today, we'll explore an important and often challenging topic: finding and choosing the right fertility clinic. This process can be incredibly daunting and stressful, especially when you're making such a significant decision for your future. 

We often turn to our friends for advice on everything from picking out the perfect outfit to finding the best brunch spot. But when it comes to fertility struggles, it can be so much harder to ask for help. The topic can feel so personal and stigmatized. Plus, you might not have anyone in your close circle who has walked this exact path. Unlike planning a fun weekend getaway, where there are countless resources and websites to guide you, finding the right fertility clinic can leave you feeling isolated and unsupported.

How to Find Your Perfect Fertility Clinic:

Choosing a fertility clinic is a very personal decision. You need to feel comfortable, understood, and confident in their care. With so many options out there, it can quickly become overwhelming, especially if you’re considering treatment abroad. 

Many people start by searching for ‘the best clinic,’ but remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. The right clinic for you depends on your unique needs, preferences, and circumstances. Here’s what to consider:

Patient Experiences: Check out reviews from other fertility patients. Look for stories from people with similar needs and preferences.

Quality of Care: Reputable clinics will have experienced, specialized staff and use advanced techniques. Don't be shy to ask about their training, credentials, and years of experience.

Transparency: Choose a clinic that is upfront about their methods, prices, success rates, and treatment options.

Success Rates: While high success rates are great, remember they can be influenced by the type of patients a clinic accepts.

Emotional Support: Infertility is emotionally taxing. Good clinics offer emotional support, via platforms like Tilly, counseling services or support groups, to help you through the process.

Cost: Make sure you understand all costs involved, including consultations, procedures, medications, and any extra services.

Location: Decide whether you prefer a clinic close to home or if you’re open to traveling for specific treatments.

In the end, choosing the right clinic is about finding a place where you feel safe, seen, and supported. Once you find that “right” clinic, you’ll know it – trust your gut!

To make this journey even smoother, check out the Bumpy app. It’s a free tool that helps you find, compare, and contact fertility clinics all in one place. You can read honest reviews from real people and share your own experiences to help others.

The founders of Bumpy, just like Tilly’s founders, know how difficult the path to parenthood can be. They’ve been through it all – miscarriages, operations, countless hormone injections, and IVF treatments. They created Bumpy so you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.

So, take a deep breath and remember, you’ve got this! Stay strong, stay hopeful, and take care of yourself. You're not alone on this journey. 

Warmest wishes
Jenny Ann, founder of Tilly and Andrea co-founder of Bumpy

In this article we'll explore an important and often challenging topic: finding and choosing the right fertility clinic. This process can be incredibly daunting and stressful, especially when you're making such a significant decision for your future. 

How to Find and Choose the Best Fertility Clinic: Tips and Resources

Reader's Digest: How can I help a friend with infertility?

Read the article HERE

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